SPRX 77, Private Eye
by Matanzo-El-Mono
Summary: This case began like all the great ones do: with a dame. Some two-bit hood had broken her TV. So she came to me and my associate, knowing we were the best in the business. We'd find the perp, make him talk, and see justice served. We're private eyes.
1. The Intro

**So this marks my return to a regular, chaptered story format. Joy!**

**I'm going to warn you up front: this story is SEMI-crack. Everybody is going to be more or less in character, but they'll make references that might not fit in the context of the show.**

**But I don't care, because I think this will be fun to write.**

**Hopefully you have fun reading it.**

The Intro

_Shuggazoom City; a stinking, repulsive cesspool with more crime and villainy than you can shake a stick at. And trust me, I can find a pretty big stick. I can find just about anything; it's my job._

_I'm a private eye. The sign on my door would tell you that if you took the time to read it._

_But you're not here to read signs. You want to hear about one of my many famous cases. Well, sit back and listen up._

_Because have I got a case for you._

**

* * *

Very short introduction here. The following chapters will be much longer; more in keeping with my normal style.**

**I'm really looking forward to writing this story. I hope you guys enjoy what I do with it.**

**Until the next chapter:**

_**SAVE SEASON 5!**_


	2. The Dame

**So here's the second chapter. As you can tell, it is considerably longer than the first chapter. It had originally been my intention to have the intro tacked onto this chapter, but I didn't like the way it read and it made more sense to have it separate. It fits my theme better that way.**

**Enough chatter. Let's hear the case!**

The Dame

This case started just like all the great ones do: with a dame.

I was relaxing in my office, polishing off an old friend of mine. She had a very magnetic personality, and there had always been a mutual attraction between us. I called her "lefty."

"Sprx, I'm bored."

That was my stalwart assistant, Otto. He was on my bed, fiddling with that rather dapper bowler hat of his. I had to give Greeny credit; the monkey had style.

And yes, I did say he was on my bed. My office also doubles as my room. Some might take that as a sign that I am an underachieving detective without a penny to my name. I prefer to think that it means I'm always available for a case.

"Worry not, my mechanically-minded friend. I'm positive a case will come waltzing through our door any second now. I can feel it."

And, as usual, I was right. Only it really _barged_ in more than it waltzed. And by it I mean she. And by she I mean-

"Nova." The yellow-furred monkey who stood before me with her hands on her hips was as close to a goddess as I was likely to see. As a private eye, I get a lot of dames. It comes with the territory. But there's only one girl who can make my heart do back flips like a circus acrobat. Unfortunately, that same woman had a tendency to get really pissed off _really_ easily. Like she was right now. "What can we do for you?"

"You can explain why you guys broke the television, for starters." The accusation caught me off guard, but I kept my cool. The same could not be said for my partner.

"The TV is broken!" Otto was so startled he fell off the bed. Poor guy never was any good at taking bad news.

"Don't play innocent with me," said Nova. "I know you guys are addicted to that thing. Who else could have broken it?"

"Hate to burst your bubble, doll face, but Otto and I didn't use the screen at all yesterday."

"You really expect me to believe that?" I could tell the dame's agitation was growing, but even _I_ couldn't deduce if it was from the broken TV or my smooth comment.

"It's true, Nova." Good ol' Otto. Like a true partner, he always had my back. "Sprx and I had patrol yesterday morning, and then we had a tea party at night."

Of course he could stand to keep his big yap shut more often. "What my confused associate meant to say is that we threw back a couple of cold ones after a long day of serving the Greater Good. There was no time for television."

Nova crossed her arms, her tone and posture indicating she was tickled at the idea of Otto and I participating in such an unmanly activity as a tea party. "I'm sure you did, Sparky."

I winced. "Please, call me Sprx. Sparky doesn't suit a hardboiled detective like myself." This earned me a chuckle from the yellow dame.

"So _that's_ why you guys are wearing your Halloween costumes. I was wondering about that."

"We're detectives, Nova," Otto clarified rather unnecessarily. Nova gave him a smile like he was some five year-old kid with a fishbowl on his head saying he was an astronaut.

"Of course you are, Otto. And may I say you look rather dapper with that hat on?"

My assistant blushed like a schoolgirl at the compliment and began frantically messing with the bowler. "Thanks, Nova. Do you really like it?"

"Oh yes, it's very macho." This only caused Otto to blush deeper.

I'd have to talk to him about that. Super cool detectives like us couldn't afford to be fazed by a pretty face; it kept us from doing our jobs.

"Look, dame. If it will get you off of our case, we'll get on_ yours_. Come on, Otto." I got up and made my way towards the door. I found my progress suddenly impeded by Nova's hand on my shoulder.

"Two things, Sprx," she said. "First, never call me dame if you value your health. Second, I found this piece of trash stuck on your door."

The dame handed me a piece of paper, and my spirits sank when I recognized it. "Aw, man! You totally ruined our sign, Nohvs!" The so-called trash was actually a sign for my Private Eye business.

"That dinky little sheet of paper was your sign?" A lesser man might have risen to the bait, but I was too experienced a detective for that.

Otto, of course, wasn't.

"It was just a placeholder until we got something fancier," explained my equal parts defensive and dejected assistant. "I made the sign myself; I thought it was pretty good." That took the dame down a peg or two.

"Oh. I'm really sorry, Otto. How about you and I make a new one?"

Otto brightened considerably. "That would be great!"

I cleared my throat, deftly ending the conversation before it got out of hand. "It will also have to wait. For now, Otto and I have a case to work. Let's move, partner." As Otto and I vacated my office/room, Nova called out one last time.

"Have fun playing detective, boys. If you need me, I'll be in the training room."

The door closed shut behind us as we made our way towards my tube.

"So what's our first step, boss?"

My trusty smirk played across my lips as I patted my green, literally and figuratively, partner on the back.

"We look for clues, Otto."

My partner removed his hat and scratched his head in confusion. "And where do we do that?"

"Where else," I adjusted my fedora with one hand and stuffed our ruined sign into my trench coat with the other, "but the scene of the crime?"

**

* * *

Broken TVs? Ruined Signs? Snazzy Detective Costumes? What have our heroes gotten themselves into this time? Could this case be too big for them to handle? Who knows!**

**I know, of course. I know everything about this story. But as for you, dear readers, you'll have to wait until next time!**

**I plan to alternate this with my other ongoing story, "Relacien." In other words, I'll do a chapter for that, and then a chapter for this.**

**Until next time, Junior Detectives:**

_**SAVE SEASON 5!**_


	3. The Crime Scene

**Last time, my partner and I learned from a hysterical dame that our giant television, our pride and joy, had been destroyed.**

**So Otto and I beat feet, on the hunt for clues and the culprit. Maybe we'd fine one, or hopefully both, at-**

The Crime Scene

In the world of detective work, it's almost a given that you'll have to deal with casualties sooner or later. But no matter how many times you witness it, murder never gets any easier to deal with.

"He…he was just so _young_." Always tactful, I placed a comforting hand on my grieving partner's shoulder.

"I know, Otto."

"He had so much more to give. All he did was entertain people. It's…_senseless_!"

I gave his shoulder a squeeze. "Murder is always senseless, buddy. We can't do anything for him now. What we _can_ do is our job. We'll find the two-bit hood who did this, and we'll make sure he's brought to justice."

"If I can't watch television," Otto ran his arm under his nose with a noisy sniff, "I can at least look forward to watching _that_."

"That's the stalwart assistant I depend on," I said with a smile. I gave Otto a pat on the back and then turned my attention to the lifeless corpse of our television.

"Break it down for me, Otto."

"Well, as far as murders go, this was relatively painless. One precise blow, quick and clean." Otto gestured to a roughly fist-sized hole in the lower-middle of the screen. He was back in his element. "The TV probably didn't feel a thing."

"At least that's some good news," I commented grimly. "I'd hate to think he died in agony."

"Yeah." Otto touched the dead television gently, as if he was closing an old-friend's eyes one last time. I respectfully gave him a moment, using the time to take in the rest of the room.

There really wasn't much to go on. Other than some crinkled snack food wrappers and an empty game case for _Samurai Guardian 3_, the room was just like it always was. A loud sniff from my partner made me turn around.

"So," Otto rose to his feet, "what do we know?"

"Honestly? Next to nothing," I admitted. "This only confirms that the dame didn't do the deed."

Otto game me a puzzled look. "You mean Nova? Why would she be a suspect at all? She reported the crime."

"That's the oldest trick in the book, Otto," I explained. "What better way to draw suspicion off yourself?"

"I guess you're right. But why does this hole mean Nova's innocent? She likes to punch stuff, and the hole _is_ fist-sized."

Rookies. It's always scary to think they're the future.

"Exactly," I replied. "The hole is fist-sized. _Normal_ fist-sized. Would Nova ever punch something without using her robotic fists?"

"Maybe she was just angry and didn't think about it?" my assistant conjectured while scratching his head.

"Please, Otto, I happen to be somewhat of an expert on Nova's behavior when she's angry. So you can trust me when I say that when her temper flares, the fists come out."

My partner nodded his consent. "Yeah, you _do_ have the most experience with Nova's anger. So what's our next move, then?"

"What else? We interview all the suspects," I explained.

"And they are?"

"Everybody else on the team, basically."

My assistant looked aghast. "Even Antauri?"

"Especially Antauri," I replied. "We're starting off with him."

Without waiting for a reply, I turned around and made my way towards Antauri's tube. My partner jogged to catch up.

"This is just a formality, right?" asked Otto. "You don't really suspect Antauri, right? He's just so-"

"-Antauri?" I said. Otto nodded.

"Exactly. He's just not the type, Sprx."

"Detective 101, Otto," I said as I pulled my fedora low over my eyes, "it's _always_ the ones you least expect."

**

* * *

Looks like my partner and I are going to have a talk with a certain spiritual guru and his possible sinister machinations.**

**Check in next time to find out what happens! It'll be up as soon as the lazy creator finishes his next "Relacien" story.**


End file.
